Tag Archive: Love


I Need You

I Need You

I need you to be here to pick me up when I fall,
I need you to be here when I hear the children cry,
I need you to be here when I see the waters overflow the shoreline,
I need you to tell me it will not start raining and never stop,
I need you to kiss the back of my neck and remind me that I am loved,
Unconditionally, totally.
I need you here in body not just in spirit.
I need you when I see the connections everywhere and do not understand what they mean,
I need you to find me when I am lost.
I need you to bring me to heaven on earth.
I need you to remind me that everything will be all right while the world collapses around us.
While children go hungry, while woman are victimized, when our brothers are angry and need comfort themselves.
Show me you are real when I need to believe in something.
We all need to believe in something.
We are all one and when one of us is in chaos we are all in chaos.
I need you when I look into the eyes of my brother and feel pain.
I need you where are you? Show me you are real.
I’ve worked so hard to find you, where are you?
I need you when I hear the voices crying out in pain.
When I get the feeling that someone that I love is alone and despondent.
If you’ve given me the ability to feel pain please come and give me the ability to feel joy.
I need you please find me. Please find us all.
Hold my hand and together we can change the world if only for a moment.
I need you to help me find peace and love and understanding.
I just need you.

Peace

I’ve been working on peace ornaments and peace pillows trying to bring myself some peace the last few days. It has not been easy but try I must. I believe the world is in a whole heap of trouble and we need to end the chaos within ourselves to fix it. I don’t watch the news anymore. I monitor very carefully what I let in, but you really can’t avoid what is going on unless you live in a cave in the middle of nowhere or a Tibetan mountaintop.

The latest is yet another mass shooting. Why do these things happen? I will never know, we can blame it on guns, we can blame it on mental illness or we can blame it on ourselves. We are a society that likes our toys and our beliefs and when the two mesh together bedlam occurs. But we are the masters of our own ship, the captains of our destiny. At least that is what we wish for, but how many people live the life they’ve imagined?

We grow up with dreams and ideals and then we let them slide while we look for a real job so we can be productive. Where has that lead us? To rampant unemployment and the biggest gap between the rich and the poor in history. What does that do to our countrymen? It makes them lose hope, lose faith, lose their self esteem and move into a never ending cycle of not having enough, not being enough.

Our kids learned this from us too. I think youthful optimism is still available and I know I am youthfully optimistic even though I’m a realist along with being an idealist. But so many people who have played by the rules, gotten a job, gotten married, had the children, the white picket fence are watching it disappear and they just can’t handle it. Who can they blame? I guess it’s easy to blame the non documented workers that took their laboring jobs or the companies that outsource their jobs to countries which don’t play the same rules the United States does, but it’s actually bigger than that it’s self responsibility. We shop in Walmart, we eat animals manufactured specifically to be killed(could you eat the family dog), we allow poisons to be rained down on us to kill the mosquitos, we hang onto our guns for hope that if the government or a rampant gang of terrorists might come knocking at our door we will be ready. But are we ready? No not even close, all we are doing is killing ourselves, killing the environment, and creating an anxiety ridden society who is one crisis away from shooting up another building and unfortunately we have the guns to do it.

I want to be optimistic, I want to be at peace but I’m an empath so even if I don’t watch the news, or don’t read the newspaper I feel the chaos of the world inside myself. I hear the voices of my friends and countrymen who wonder what will happen to them if they lose their job? What will happen to their kids if the economy doesn’t improve? What will happen if a flood takes away their home or if we end up in yet another endless war. Since 9/11/2001 everything seems like an endless war and we’ve made everyone else the enemy, but the truth is we are the enemy. We allow it to happen. We look at others who haven’t coped and we pass judgment. But sooner or later that other will be us, we are all in this together. There are not enough toys or drugs to save us from ourselves. We have to do it ourselves.

When the constitution was written it didn’t take into account all the changes in technology and weaponry that make this world dangerous at times. Nobody writing the constitution imagined a gun that could kill 20 schoolchildren in a matter of minutes. Nobody imagined technology that could make it rain or forecast the rain. Nobody imagined all the toxins available to kill all the bugs or make chickens big enough to feed millions. We let ourselves get carried away and now we are paying the price for it. It’s time to be simple again. To look in the mirror and say let’s just be peaceful today and do something that makes us happy and peaceful, no matter what that is.

I’m off the soapbox, nobody reads this stuff anyway. But now I’m going to hand embroider and bring a little more peace into my own life so I can practice what I preach. Find love, find peace, be happy

Finding Myself

I will admit I was lost for quite a while, wandering in the wilderness of the dark night of the soul.  I got to the point where I didn’t even know who I was anymore.  Getting a divorce, remembering abandonment issues and traumatic occurrences from your childhood will do that to you.  But  although it’s been a long hard slog I’m still surviving and starting to take baby steps and move back among the living. 

I’m stronger, still not sure I can rebuild my life in the place where I’ve lived for the last 10 years but trying to cobble together a life that I can take with me if I decide I can’t.  I’ve dipped my toes into the dating pool which I still don’t think I’m quite ready for.  I’ve seen my beautiful son a lot more and learned to forgive myself for not knowing the answers.  At this point I’m not even sure of the questions.  But that seems to be a theme for the world right now, all these interesting questions with no easy answers.  There is so much going on that chaos seems to be the in thing.  I think my only contribution to the greater good is to try and calm the chaos in my soul right now. Maybe that is the contribution everyone should make to the common good, find their own answers and find their own peace.  Then perhaps they can share their answers and help someone else. I can’t really do that at the moment but what I can say is that I am really one of the lucky ones. I have a little bit of leeway to ask the hard questions and try to come up with an answer that works.  A roof over my head, food in my kitchen, a son that loves me and a general feeling that life will get better.  So I don’t know what I will be doing for the next 20 or 30 years.  I think the answer to the next 20 or 30 years is to live in this moment and keep moving.   Maybe thinking of what will happen to you when you are 80 when you are 50 is overwhelming.  

So I’m going to try and write a bit more, try to meditate a lot more and try to understand how and why I ended up in this oh so dark place and bring some light to it all.   I’ll probably write about the same issues I’ve written about in the past but do it with a new appreciation for just how important it is for your words to be your words.

So my words to end this blog post are, love and peace are the answer.  I don’t know what the question is but peace and love are the answer.

 

We often find God in the moments in our lives when we question his existence.  In our darkest moments when we feel we have lost everything and in our greatest moments when we surely know he is out there somewhere.  We find him in the baby when it is born and we find it in the homeless person holding out his hand for a piece of bread.  Give it to him. 

 

We find God when we awaken in the morning to a new day.  We find God in the darkness of the unending night.  We find God when we meet an angel in our pathway or when we get everything we always wanted and we have no one to share it with.  We find God in the smile of a child or the censure of a grumpy old man.

 

We find God in community and loneliness.  We find God in church or in the silence of our own home when we cannot get the image of some terrible occurrence out of our head.  We find him in our parents even when they are critical and our children even when they are naïve.  We find him at tragedies like the World Trade Center and celebrations like the moon walk.  We find God or our source everywhere we look for him. 

 

He is the voice that makes us believe the impossible or imagine a life that is wonderfully waiting for us.  He is the voice that tells us everything will be ok when it doesn’t really feel that way.  The voice that reminds us this too shall pass and if we just believe and wake up breathing things will be better tomorrow.

 

I’m not sure what my version of God is at the moment but I do know that I believe he exists and he is always there watching all of us.  I’m not sure I believe in the judgmental God of the Old Testament or the Revelatory nature of the New.  I’m not sure I believe in the Allah who would have people fly planes into buildings or the Jesus who would inspire people to drop bombs on innocent people.  But I believe in God and I believe in Jesus, I just choose to believe in the version that feeds the hungry and gives solace to the depressed.  I believe in the version of Jesus that allows everyone entry into the gates of heaven whether they believe in Jesus Christ or Allah or anything in between or nothing. 

 

I believe in the God who lives deep within all our souls and shows us love and companionship when there is no one else.  I believe in a loving and giving universe and I believe in a people who working together to fix this mess we have all gotten into believing in nothing while saying we believe or believing in something  and doing nothing. 

 

God Bless You.  We find God and peace in ourselves and we have to share that peace and radiate outward to the universe.  The universe needs it and we need it. 

Lean On Me


Sometimes in our lives we all have pain, we all have sorrow, but if we are wise we know that there’s always tomorrow. That is a line from Lean on Me, a song by the great Bill Withers. Everybody needs somebody to lean on. We all need somebody to sit next to us in the middle of the night, to hold our hand and love us deeply. We need a voice in the darkness that reminds us we are dreaming when the nightmares come.

We live our lives in the daytime. We put on our masks and then we go to work. Hopefully we are people who are able to make a living doing something that we love, but even that entails parts of our job that we just hate. Life is filled with choices and obstacles, that is a given. We can choose to look at our day and question our very existence or we can look at the obstacles and realize they are the part of life that makes us stronger, that give us hope, and that show us who we really are. It would be wonderful if every moment could be filled with peace, love and happiness but that comes after we leave this world when we enter the pearly gates.

While we are here we have to learn to exist within the confines of being a mere mortal with mere mortal problems. It helps if we have a voice and a light waiting somewhere deep inside us that we can pray to and find guidance. Be that voice and light called God, or Buddha, or the Prophet or just a loving and abundant universe. For me that voice is God and Jesus Christ but who am I to say that is the only voice.

I am quite worried at the moment at how the voice is being interpreted. Certain groups of every religion are convinced that their God is above everybody else’s God. What that is doing is turning people away from religion and God in droves. Have you noticed how many churches are on the real estate market now? I have seen quite a few lately during my travels. Now if only the churches are gone that is probably not a huge problem, but if it is the faith in something higher than ourselves that is gone we are in deep trouble. I worry a lot that it is the latter, that people have lost their faith, their hope, and their connections to the divine.

Times are tough right now; there is no sugarcoating the problems of today. It takes five minutes of turning on the television to see something which is just gut wrenchingly sad. The problem is that during those five minutes we are missing the other fifty-five minutes of each hour that are filled with the sunshine of our child’s smile, the caress from our lover, the beauty of flowers blowing in the wind. Each of us has a responsibility to notice the other fifty-five minutes to breathe in the delightful air, to smell the roses.

Think about the alternative to real life, the kind of life where there is no adversity, it is filled with nothing. You wake up, your coffee tastes delicious, your eggs are perfect although in a perfect world you wouldn’t be eating eggs, you’d be eating oatmeal or a bagel. You go to the job you love and work with the most delightful people all day long. You do your job flawlessly and never make a mistake. Everyone loves you from the time you get up till the time you go to sleep. Everything is perfect. That my friend sounds very boring.

Think about real life, your coffee tastes awful, you burn your eggs, you can’t find your socks, you can’t find your shoes, you are running late and you didn’t have breakfast. While you are running to the bus you see a little coffee shop on the way, you stop in there order a sandwich and while you are waiting for it, you bump into somebody and spill coffee all over your suit. You turn around expecting to scream at someone and you see the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. You decide that you simply must stop and talk to her and you get her phone number and end up making plans for the rest of your life. That is God in action. That is the beauty of a loving and giving universe. That is life. That is the reason we go to church so we believe in moments like that.

I know that these days our lives are not what we wish them to be. We can’t seem to find ourselves out of a paper bag; we are worried about the world around us, finding a job, what to do if we happen to get sick. We stay up at night worrying about what should have been and then we find God, the small voice that calls to us and makes us believe in the future if we only have faith. If you are having a life where fifty-five minutes suck and five minutes are good change your life, ditch the hundreds of things making the fifty-five minutes suck and find hundreds of things to replace them with. Walk in the park and look at the trees, take a yoga class, take a CD out of the library that you’ve never listened to before. Find a life that you want to live and then give thanks that you are living in this imperfect moment in this imperfect time. And if you are looking for a song, you can find Bill Withers on YouTube and then find dozens of other songs by him that make you sing. Have a great day.

I believe in a place called hope.  I believe in a place where ordinary people can do extraordinary things to help bring people back together.   I believe that people have been torn apart by their ideals, which have been co-opted by powerful people whose job is to divide and conquer.

 

I believe in a loving God.  I believe in a loving universe.  I believe in a world where Jesus feeds the hungry instead of supply side economics. How can we say we are Christian, Islamic, or any other religion and think that it is a good thing to have whole sections of the world living in hunger and famine?

 

I believe in a world where one crazy person with a gun cannot inflict so much pain in so many people in so little time.  How is it possible that in a world created by love, the right to have a gun can be used in such a way that year after year one crazy person with a gun can go on a shooting rampage and change the lives of hundreds of people?  Every person who had a child lost at Colombine has had a life that has been diminished by the loss of that one child.  Every person on the streets of Chicago who has lost a child to gun violence has had a life diminished by the loss of that one child.  Every person in Aurora who had a child killed by a man who believed he was the Joker in a Batman movie has had their lives diminished by the loss of a child.  How is it possible that a man mentally disabled enough to think he is a character in a movie is able to buy a gun in the first place?  Year after year we say prayers and have vigils and nothing gets done and more of our children die. They stopped the campaign for a day but does anybody think that either the Obama campaign or the Romney campaign will take on the NRA?  No.  We all cry for a day or two and then we think about our own rights to protect our own houses and we allow people who shouldn’t be able to buy guns to go out and buy them.  When do the gun owners who only use their guns responsibly say enough is enough and use their voices to stop the hold the NRA has on our politics?

 

I believe in a world where 19 people cannot fly a plane into a building and start a decade of carnage, greed, death and destruction so huge and so vast that complete religions which all started with the same universal laws pick sides and cheer on the warriors.  In the 10 years since 9/11 how many people have died because of those 19 lives?  How many people have decided to avenge the deaths of their children and have turned against a country which was loved in those days following 9/11 because they don’t understand why they had to lose their son or daughter to 19 hijackers a world away?    I believe in a world where we honor the military but only use their services in the way that would reflect what most people believe in.  In the 1940s a war was used to erase one sick man’s twisted version of the world.  He was able to make an entire country believe it was in their best interest to round up an entire religion and eliminate it.  I learned about that when I was in the 5th grade and yet isn’t that what we are doing to the Islamic religion today?  There are loving and peaceful Muslims who love their children enough to seek peace.

 

I could write a book on the world issues that plague us at this time in history.  There are so many things the people of the world agree about.  We are peaceful, loving people who live most of our lives in obscurity.  We wake up every morning all over the globe and love, feed and clothe our children.  We breathe the same air that blows from one continent to the next.  We make love, sleep, eat, and pray every single day with the same universal physiology.  And yet, all we hear about day after day is how different we are and how it is our rights against theirs.

 

I am a hand embroidery artist in Upstate NY who writes a blog, how come I can figure out these huge questions and people in power who can make a difference don’t seem to ever utter the words of my typewriter?  Why?  Isn’t any one of these children and any one of these families important enough to take on universal themes which all religions are based on?  I know I’m a little fish in a big pond called earth but really people why?

 

Now before you say I’m Pollyanna and only a mere mortal who embroiders for a living.  I will tell you that in my little corner of the world, I make peace with my friends and relatives who believe something different than I do every day.  I love them and look at all the things we have in common and I don’t really care whether they vote differently than I do.  I treat everyone I meet during my ordinary days with respect, compassion and a smile.  I believe every person deserves respect and compassion no matter who they are.  I practice forgiveness every day and try not to hold grudges for the most part.  I like to hug.  I get up every morning with a song in my heart and hopefully a needle in my hand.  It’s not very easy to be an artist these days.  We have become a society which values nothing except money, even Michelangelo has been knocked off ten million times.

 

But once again I have to ask, why am I writing this blog post and nobody in power has the same words coming out of their mouths?  It’s sad really, very sad.  As people we value the same things, as a society we value nothing.

How Fragile We Are

How fragile we are is a line from the song Fragile by Sting.  It is a reminder that we as people are one.  We are all fragile somewhere in our beings.  Not one of us has a stone where our hearts should be.  We can pretend that we are strong and we do not hurt but every single one of us loves something and wants to be loved by someone.

So how do we get from that feeling of fragility and love to a war filled universe?  It’s hard to imagine that this is what God expected from us when he created the world in 7 days, isn’t it?  A place where wars rage on, poverty rages on, atrocities to children rage on, a place where a fragile heart can be broken in a minute just by watching the evening news.

The only way we can counteract the terrible actions of a few is to isolate the few from the whole of us here in the universe.  To speak out in love and peace.  To start a PEACEFUL revolution.  One that sees the commonalities of all in the singular existence of one.

Imagine that there is so much more that unites an Islamic child living in Iraq and a Christian child living in Mississippi than divides them.  Imagine that every morning we wake up to the sun or rain somewhere in the universe.  We wake up, if we are able to read this then we are awake.  That alone is unity.  That alone is peace if we look for it.

At times it must make God and universe just want to cry at the divisions we make from the whole.  The divisions of location, religion, all the way down to the bully in the schoolyard.  We are taught to believe we are special from the moment we are old enough to think, and then life just washes it away bit by bit.  Either confirm to the masses or risk having your french fries called freedom fries.  It’s just a matter of words used differently.

Love is love everywhere no matter what language it is said in.  Peace is peace no matter what language it is said in.  And unfortunately war is war no matter what language it is said in.  Be love, be peace, be universal.

The Answer is Love

Whenever you are unsure of your direction in life or politics or anything in-between the answer is love.

When you imagine your own child on the front lines of a war, is the answer war or peace? The answer is love.

When you imagine your child in an abusive relationship needing outside help or a step up the answer is love.

When you imagine your child in a school in the middle of the inner-city where education seems to come with high taxes and no solutions, the answer is love.

When you imagine your child sick with a treatable disease with no health insurance to bring them to the doctor, the answer is love.

When you imagine your child picking up a wrapper some careless slob just threw out of their car, the answer is love.

When you imagine your child drinking polluted water in some third world country, the answer is love.

When you imagine your child marching on the front lines in Syria for freedom, the answer is love.

When you imagine your child sleeping in Israel or Lebanon being scared to death of the sound of bombs and hatred, the answer is love.

When you imagine your child homeless because the adults in his life couldn’t get their acts together, the answer is love.

No matter what the question is, no matter what your ideology is, no matter what your beliefs are the answer is love.

When it is your child that is affected by the actions or inactions of our government the answer is love.  Don’t accept these sorry campaign promises that get lost the minute the politician reaches his destination.  Close your eyes and think but for the grace of god that could be my child being affected by the mistakes of an unsupervised, uncooperative, unimaginative government and the answer is and always will be love.